Where were you when the lovely Catherine Middleton married her Prince William? Will you look back on the occasion with fondness and admiration? It is certainly a day that I will never forget. As much as I tried to engage in the events of the royal wedding, I will always remember Friday 29th April 2011 as the day I failed (miserably) to potty train my son.
There is nothing better than a royal wedding to bring the nation together for one momentous day, and I fully intended to revel in the excitement that has been sweeping the country. However, two days before the wedding, I decided to potty train my two year old son, Eden. He has been showing all the right signs, but one in particular spurred me into action. Not long ago he became aware of something solid in his nappy, and decided to explore it thoroughly with his hands. It’s not a pleasant feeling walking into a room to find your child smeared from head to toe in his own poop!
For two full days I followed Eden around the house, tempting him to sit on the potty with treats. But by the evening of the second day I still hadn’t caught a single drop, and after soiling every pair of his own pants, I had no choice but to put him in a pair of his sister’s pretty pink knickers.
After going out to water the garden and give myself time-out from the many little accidents, I came back in to find that Eden had left a large pile on the kitchen floor. Not only had he removed his pretty pink knickers to do so, he had then walked through it, leaving little brown footprints leading into the living room and all over our cream carpet. Stay calm, breathe, count to ten…
* * *
The wedding day arrives, and even after my lack of success so far (and the unmentionable incident the previous evening), I push on with the potty training. As well as coaxing Eden onto the potty and trying to catch glimpses of the wedding coverage on the telly, my daughter Sienna is chattering away to me persistently about princesses and weddings.
Sienna is so excited about watching a modern-day fairy-tale wedding that she has even dressed for the occasion in a flowery maxi-dress and matching sun-hat! I am trying to pay her the attention she is craving as she bombards me with question after question.
Eden is not at all interested in the wedding, and is now starting to lose his patience with the potty. I sense there is something larger pending as his mood becomes frantic and over-excited. It dawns on me that we may be in for a repeat of yesterday’s kitchen floor incident, and I regret bribing him onto the potty earlier with a large bunch of grapes.
It’s now 10.45am and the Queen has just arrived at Westminster Abbey, greeted by Prince Charles and Camilla. Sienna is asking me repeatedly, “Mummy which one is the Queen?”, “Mummy where is the princess?”, “Mummy can I marry a prince?”
Eden, becoming increasingly frantic, is refusing point blank to come anywhere near the potty. As I turn my attention from one child to the other, all the while trying to watch one of the biggest events of the year, I sense an impending explosion. Calm, 1,2,3…
It’s 11am and the ceremony is imminent. I turn away just for a second to check on Eden, who is running up and down the sofa…and there it is. The cause of Eden’s anxiety has at last shown itself all over my sofa. I lose it. All the disappointment I have suppressed over the last three days comes flooding out as I grab his arms and plonk him onto the potty, “That’s where it goes you silly boy!” I shout.
If only I could have noticed the look on his face before I berated him. He is obviously distraught at the sight of his own mess as he sits on the potty shrieking “OH NO, OH NO!” I quickly calm down, turn back into super-multi-tasking mum, and take control of the situation.
* * *
The wedding is over. I have missed it all. My children are both sitting happily watching Peppa Pig. Eden is wearing a nappy for the first time in three days. As I reminisce about my rather eventful day, all I can say is, thank goodness for leather sofas and Sky Plus.
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